Dearka, I Am Your Father
by TearShield Alchemist
Summary: Mwu finds a site that tells the truth. Oh no. Refrences to adult stuff and yaoi. Bashing and killing people. Crack fic. All facts are true! Go OCEAN GROUP!


**A/n: When I found this stuff out, I had to write it immediately!**

**This is a crack for all of you…**

**All facts are true!**

* * *

_**Dearka, I Am Your Father**_

Everyone was just sitting around, as you do when you are bored.

Mwu was busy at the computer and that was about everything.

Then he came upon a terrifying new fact…

_**"Dearka! I am your father!"**_

Murrue nearly fell off her seat, Kira dropped his Play mag that he and Athrun had been reading on Dearka's request, Cagalli spat out her soda, Orga fell off the back of the couch, Andy stared at Dearka, Dearka hid behind Yzak and Yzak vomited.

This was only the beginning…

* * *

**_"Murrue, I am your husband, and you are Dearka's mother!"_**

Murrue froze on the spot. She had not expected this at all.

* * *

**_"Waltfeld, you are Yuuna Roma Seiran and Reverend Malchio!"_**

Andy twitched involuntarily.

* * *

**_"Yzak is Dearka's father!"_**

Murrue coughed, Yzak fainted and Dearka looked puzzled.

"I thought you said you were my father?"

* * *

**_"Dearka's in love with Lacus' singing voice!"_**

Kira stood up and went and punched Dearka out, as you do when you find out someone has been fantasizing about your girlfriend.

* * *

**_"Aisha loves Andy!"_**

Andy laughed, "We already knew that!"

**_"Aisha is a boy!"_**

Andy laughed again. "No, she is very much a woman!"

"Does this make Andy gay?" Erica asked Murrue.

* * *

**_"Nicol and Athrun are brothers!"_**

Nicol had a heart attack and died again. Athrun was crying for he failed to revive his "brother".

* * *

**_"Dearka has a secret crush on Murrue!"_**

With that, Mwu got off the computer and punched Dearka. Or four reasons. One, it is what you do when you find out someone has been fantasizing about your girlfriend. Two, it is what you do when you find out someone has been fantasizing about your wife. Three, it is what you do when you find out your son is fantasizing about his mother. And four, isn't it illegal for children to have sexual fantasies about their parents?

With Mwu's absence Cagalli took over the computer.

* * *

**_"Athrun loves Lacus!"_**

And with this the Hibiki twins slapped Athrun unconscious.

If you have no idea why, refer to the upper statements.

* * *

**_"Murrue is Lacus' mother!"_**

"Does this make me Lacus' brother?" Dearka asked dumbly, as Mwu proceeded to ask Murrue who the father was, and why she cheated on him.

* * *

**_"Flay and Dearka are dating!"_**

Milly decided to bitch slap Flay and they began to roll around on the floor beating the crud out of each other.

No one really cared if Milly killed Flay.

Mwu began beating his "son" into line.

"It is not good to cheat on people!" And with that he remembered Murrue had cheated and began to beat her and Dearka.

Murrue began screaming "Domestic violence!" whilst Dearka screamed "Bloody murder!"

* * *

**_"Flay is a dandelion!"_**

No one really cared as Flay was busy being killed by Miriallia.

"I'm dating a dandelion who hates my sister's guts?" Dearka repeated stupidly, which, ironically, he was.

_**"Athrun is PeachMan!"**_

"Shh Cagalli! I told you not to tell them my nickname in bed!"

Everyone stared. Athrun had just woken up…

* * *

_**"Andy is Miguel's father and Miguel's sister's teacher!"**_

Andy gasped. Miguel fainted. Thank god rusty wasn't there to hear it…

* * *

**_"Athrun is Miguel's lover!"_**

Cagalli got up, ran to Athrun and demanded to know if he was gay.

He didn't answer, so Cagalli punched him up…

Then when Miguel awoke, she killed him. Thank God Rusty was not there... He would've gone into a jealous rage and then into a pile of weeping shit.

As par usual in an absence of people at the computer, Ms. Badguirel took over control.

"This is going to be good," she laughed evilly.

* * *

**_"Flay is birdy and haro!"_**

Flay stood there in utter shock as everyone laughed at her.

We are not sad for you Flay, when you find out that you are nothing but mechanical toys.

* * *

**_"Aisha is a hamster!"_**

"No she is not! She is a human woman! Why would I make love to hamster?"

Everyone stared at Andy and shuffled away from him.

**_"Andy and Kira are brothers!"_**

Andy suddenly lost an arm. Kira twitched.

"I don't want to be related to someone who has sex with animals!

**_"Kira is a stuffed animal!__"_**

"Aaaah!" screamed Kira. "My brother makes love to animals, and I'm a stuffed one!" He was then comforted by Lacus, who was Murrue's daughter, who had a half brother, Dearka, who was son of Murrue and Mwu and son of Andy. Thus making Kira and uncle.

"I love my nephew's half sister! Ewwww!"

* * *

**_"Muruta Azreal is in love with Erica Simmons!"_**

Everyone puked at the same moment.

Natarle went over to Azreal's grave and spat on it.

"Lying cheat!" she cussed under her breath.

Murrue finally got a hold of the computer.

* * *

**_"Azreal is Dearka's love rival for Lacus' singing voice!"_**

Everyone stopped. "But I thought he hated Coordinators!"

* * *

Shani read over Murrue's shoulder. 

**_"Lacus' singing voice is a fox!"_**

Everyone stared. "That sounded wrong," Tolle laughed.

Kira proceeded to beat the living daylights out of Shani.

Strangely enough, Tolle felt his pain.

**_"Tolle is Shani!"_**

No wonder why…

"Does that mean that when I was kissing Tolle, Shani felt it? EWWWWWW!" Poor Miriallia. Nightmares for the rest of her life. Too bad she was too busy killing Flay to notice.

* * *

**_"Rau le Crueset is Shinigami (the Grimm Reaper)!"_**

"At least he thinks he is!" Andy chuffed.

* * *

**_"Clotho is Nicol's Dad!"_**

Everyone remained silent. Maybe it was more than the ramblings of the computer…

* * *

**_"Orga is WackoMan!"_**

Clotho and Shani cracked up. Shani had no idea how anyone knew the nickname Orga had for his _down there_ parts, but God it was funny! Everyone followed suit. If you listened hard enough you could hear Natarle's evil laughter. Except for Orga who went to sulk in the corner.

That or he needed to pee…

* * *

**_"Aisha is Tolle's "girlfriends" little brother!"_**

"For the last time, SHE IS A GIRL!" exploded Andy.

**_"Tolle is half demon!"_**

"No he's not1 He's full demon!" Miriallia stated from the floor. Everyone looked at her and she went red realizing what she'd revealed.

* * *

And the day ended with burying the dead and people going back to their respective homes. 

But poor Athrun will never be PeachMan again…

* * *

**A/n: OMG! I wrote it! All those facts are true; as most of the English dub voices for GSD are with Ocean Studios they appear quite often in other animes. I was watching Hikaru no Go and found about four people from GSD. Just look up the English dub voices for GSD on answers (dot) com and you will find out all about what animes they were in and who they played.**

**Just don't be scared to find out weird stuff.**

**Anime I found stuff on:**

**Cardcaptors**

**Mobile Suit Gundam**

**Hikaru no Go**

**InuYasha**

**Gundam Wing**

**Hamtaro**

**Megaman NT Warrior**

**And the Japanese seiyuu from Rau le Crueset plays Duo Maxwell in GWing, so hence the Shinigami reference.**

**And true fact: Athrun's voice (Samuel Vincent) is Gabe Khouth's (Nicol Almalfi) brother.**

**R&R minna-san**

**Kawatta-chan**

**PS: Need any facts, just ask! I will give a random one to centre your story round! PM me!**


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